Why Me?

I’m not the only one who has asked this question.  Have you?

In the first few months after Mike died I have to admit I was in a bubble.  It was all about me.  Why me?  Why did this happen to me?  I went back and forth from denial – this can’t really be happening.  To anger – this is not fair.

I’ve heard that life isn’t fair.  But when it’s your turn for life to not be fair, it basically sucks.

I have had time to process what happened and to “acknowledge” (not accept) that this happened.  Mike died.  I became a widow.

The hard part is being able to deal with your new life.  To put your shoes on everyday and make it through this unexpected reality.

It’s not the life you asked for.  You didn’t plan for this.  It just happened.  You can continue to question and be sad.  Or you can try to move forward and just deal with it the best way you can.

Attitude affects so many things in life.  It took a major tragedy in my life to realize that.  I can not change what happened.  I can only train my brain to deal with the life I now have.  To embrace it and not dwell on the past.

I sometimes think I am doing well.  I am making new friends and keeping myself busy.  I am finding joy in my daily life even if I still don’t like waking up in the morning. I am working and doing what I am supposed to do to make sure my kids have what they need.

Sometimes I am even happy.

But there are those moments when I get angry, and think, why me? Why did my husband have to die? Why didn’t he get to retire with me and travel and live happily ever after now that the kids are older? Why isn’t he here to talk sports and help me understand politics? Why don’t I get to have my kids’ dad here to go to weddings and become a grandparent with me?  Why me?

So I have waves like this sometimes.

Then I think of other people and realize I am not alone.

In fact, this past Sunday I had a major slap on the face as I realized how many people are affected by breast cancer.  I participated in the American Cancer Society’s Making Strides against Breast Cancer walk at Jones Beach in Wantagh, New York.  I joined 65,000 other people wearing pink and walking in support or memory of a loved one affected by breast cancer.  They raised 2.5 million dollars in their 24th year of this walk for breast cancer research.  Each person I passed on the boardwalk had someone in their heart that they were praying and hoping for.

I am sure that many of the women, including the ones I was walking with, were fighting this damn cancer as well.

Why me?  Did they sometimes think that?  I bet they do.

We all have moments when we have a struggle.

Death in the family, sickness, surgeries, accidents, troubles at work, troubles with family – the list goes on and we all have them.  But not all the time.

I feel better spending time this past weekend making an effort to be supportive.  I have been the recipient for support for quite some time.  Maybe it is time for me to reciprocate.

I am looking forward to finding some opportunities to give back.  I think that is the best way to get rid of the Why ME syndrome.

What can I do and who can I help?  I’m planning to attend the acts of kindness committee meeting this week at work. That’s a start.

I’m also planning to get a mammography and colonoscopy this month.  My plan is to keep that Why ME question at bay for as long as possible.  What are you doing to help yourself this month?




Click here to donate to Making Strides – Breast Cancer Research




At the age of 51 I unexpectedly became a widow. For the first 6 months after my husband died, I was in shock and numb. I journaled and with the help of friends, family and therapists was able to get back to living my old life, even if it is now very different. Before I was married, I had spent a semester in England and backpacked around Europe. My husband and I moved from New York to California for 8 years and started a family. Travelling took a back seat to raising a family and going to work everyday. Since the loss of my husband I have visited a lot of places with family and friends and took a solo trip to Thailand. I am enjoying sharing my stories and adventures as well as some of my insights to how I am traveling the path of being a widow. I hope to share my stories and adventures as well as some thoughts on being a middle aged widow. While I have some great experiences traveling to Thailand and cruising to Central America, some of my adventures involve a trip to see a Broadway show in nearby Manhattan and a shopping trip at Bed, Bath and Beyond. If I can inspire anyone to go out and continue to live a good life that would be my greatest accomplishment.

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16 Responses

  1. What a great post! I think you hit on one of the key ways to keep the “why me’s” at bay. Giving back. Giving back to the widowed common butt, as you do with each of these posts. Giving back to any other community you feel drawn to. Giving back and being kind to society at large. That’s what the world needs. Bravo dear lady, through your tragedy you are making a difference to others.

  2. Jennifer Kaelin says:

    So proud of you xoxoxo!!!

  3. its never easy to lose a loved one but they wouldn’t want you to stay upset they would want you to get on with life and live to your full potential

  4. twocans1 says:

    Great post!

  5. mistybooks says:

    It ain’t easy is it? My wife died a few short years ago. I wasn’t expecting that & it wasn’t in the plan – but life keeps on coming around with weird & wonderful things.
    I’m now happily remarried at 62, a step-dad/ grandad and an author.
    The blackness of that sad time is now only intermittent shades of grey – but never ever forgotten.

  6. You are amazing! Hugs dear woman!

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