As an overwhelmed and unexpected widow, I had no idea how to respond to the heart given cry “call me if you need anything”.
I, of course, had no idea what I would need or how much my life was about to change.
During the first month or so I was so fortunate to be gifted with gift cards, friend visits and even meals. Being surrounded by loved ones and keeping busy is helpful. But after those first few weeks, most people return to their regular lives and the new widow is beginning to adjust to her new normal.
For many people experiencing the loss of a loved one, moments of grief continue to surprise us. More and more stories are being shared of how lonely people are after the loss of a family member. Now with the coronavirus pandemic, loneliness is even more prevalent. As people age and find it harder to leave the home, life can become even more lonely.
I have written about fighting the fear or the reality of being a sad and lonely widow How to NOT be a Stay at Home, Lonely Widow. But I am a young 58 year old and I am determined to enjoy my life and continue to experience all I can and find joy in each day.
That being said, I remember how when I was in my saddest moments, the kindness and unexpected notes, meals or even comments on Facebook, really made my day.
When our kids were little, we always participated in a program at our church called Operation Christmas Child by Samaritan’s Purse. The kids and I would shop and then excitedly fill a few shoeboxes with hygiene items, toys, school supplies, and a clean shirt to send to children in need.
This project has delivered 157 million shoeboxes to boys and girls around the world and put smiles on children in tough times.
Which makes me think about our newly devastated widows and widowers.
Holidays are the absolute worst, especially that first holiday. But anniversaries, birthdays and the date our loved ones passed are hard too. Mother’s day is coming up and that can be painful for some people.
And did you know National Widow’s Day is May 3rd? What a great way to reach out to someone you know and remind them that you remember their late spouse!
No matter how it may look to you on the outside, your friend who lost a loved one is often thinking about that person and their old life.
The tears and depression are bound to visit. Tough memories, guilt and the unfairness of it all sneak into our consciousness and sadness can be overwhelming.
But as friends, we can do something about this.
So many people visit the funeral home, the wake, and the memorial service. We are sad and offer condolences. Sometimes, we even offer to help in any way we can. The words come out, but we are not even sure what we are asking to do. If you need anything, call me. I have addressed this comment here too: How to comfort your widowed friend.
Last year I started to send care packages to women I know who experienced the loss of a husband. Nothing crazy expensive, just something to show you care. It happened to me and so I understand.
I sent a note. A heartfelt, handwritten note. Not just a sympathy card.
Then I added a few things in a shoebox I thought that I would appreciate.
How to fill the gift shoebox:
A heartfelt, handwritten note. Not just a sympathy card.
A nice smelling candle
A book for widows (10 Best Grief Books)
Pleasant-smelling hand cream
Fuzzy flip flops
A journal
Candy
Sudoku/ crossword book
Lip balm
Dunkin donuts or Starbucks gift carde
Pretty coffee mug
Happy sign for inspiration
Unfortunately, I will be making a few more of these this year. I am sure you can use your imagination and think of even more awesome ideas for our widowed friends. Believe me, acknowledging a widow will really be appreciated.
23 Responses
Thank you. I appreciate the support you have so generously sent out to felliw widows. Just want to say, my kids are also out and about….but have very few opportunities to visit. Also, love that you have enjoyed travel, while still working/teaching. And that you have a boyfriend! Pls remember as you write that many of us share your road, but not every great path.Tell us how to fund kid visits, how to find $ to travel, where to go/what to do to find a boyfriend. Happy for you! Many if us look like you, but have not yet been so fortunate. What do you suggest? Thanks!
Geez…meant of not if, etc., above!
Thanks so much for reading and your comment. It’s definitely not easy but keep taking those baby steps. Working helps me afford my travel. Also I use points on credit cards for flights. Lots of ideas for the next blogs. Thanks 😉
Thank you.
I love the idea of a care package or ‘thinking of you’ package or basket for a widow or widower.
I am very sorry for your loss and can only imagine the grief and bereavement you have gone through…
I have been exposed to quite a bit of death but extended family on my side. My ex’s side. Many clients, a neighbors child, pets…. not the same on any level.
Thanks for reading. Any small way to let the widow or widower know we care is great.
I received a gift basket of jigsaw puzzles, colouring in book and a notebook and pens. Very useful.
Very nice and thoughtful. I love doing jigsaw puzzles – did a couple during the early months of COVID.
What an incredibly kind and thoughtful thing to do :O) x
Thanks – it’s always the little things that matter!
It’s the tangible things that send a real message, I think. I haven’t gone through this terrible loss but I have tried to comfort those who have. And only having ‘let me know if I can help’ to offer has always felt pretty lame. This is something so much better. Thanks!
Thanks so much for your comment- just a small unexpected message of love is so appreciated!
Great idea, I have dear friends who lost their spouses this year, I will come up with something for them.
So nice. It’s a tough year, as you know!
This is so lovely. What a difficult thing to go through, but having a circle of friends and loved ones who remember that the support must be ongoing is a great help.
Yes thanks for reading
I am a very recent widow (1 mo) and cried when I read this. The fact that you are so thoughtful and nurturing to others who have gone through what you have gives me hope and inspiration. Thank you for providing that hope as well as an idea that makes sense- one that I don’t think needs to be only for the holidays but for anytime someone in this situation may need it.
Absolutely. Sometimes I am not the most timely with condolence cards but reaching out anytime, especially when everyone else is gone is so appreciated. Thanks for reading
It’s a great idea to send a care package. It takes a little effort but the widow so appreciates it. It’s putting words into action. I did this for a few of my widowed friends for Valentines Day and sent Valentines to others. I had such fun doing it , it lifted me up as well.
What a wonderful idea to send a package for Valentine’s Day. Such a difficult holiday for a widow
Lovely idea
Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s nice to be remembered by friends ❤️