With the change of seasons, shorter days and presumably colder weather I feel a spike in nostalgia. I try to live in the present and embrace life but these past few days I can’t help but think back on some memories, especially ones involving past Halloweens.
One Halloween I came home from a friend’s house in 6th grade and told my parents I had a great time at the party. We all wore costumes, dunked for apples, had a jack-o-lantern making contest and then used the Ouija board to have a seance.
Continue reading “Best Halloween Costumes – Homemade or Store bought?”
The night my husband died
“How do you use the panoramic feature on this new phone?” my friend Meg asks me as we admire the setting sun.
“Oh, I just took one last week. Let me show you,” I offer as I kick off my blue Sperry flip flops and walk over to the sand. Meg is my attractive next-door neighbor, a single mom who looks stylish in ripped jeans or librarian type glasses.
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Keeping an open mind, I believe we can find signs from our loved ones if we accept that it is possible.
My latest sign came from my mom on Mother’s Day. I spent the day with my sister. This is our third year without calling mom or sending her flowers. We didn’t get to have lunch with her so we made plans to visit the Sarasota Jungle gardens and go to lunch with some of our family members. We both miss our mom so a sister is a good substitute.
Continue reading “Signs from Loved Ones: Is there life after death?”
My mom passed away 2 weeks ago and now all the grief from the death of my husband are coming back. Lots of familiar anxieties and feelings of regret and sadness are resurfacing. It’s been 4 years since my husband passed, but getting through year one is filled with many challenges. It helps to know we are not doing this alone and that one day, it will be better.
My bereavement group provided us with handouts on ways to deal with our grief. We met one evening each week for an hour and a half. The group was made up of 12 women who have lost their husbands in the past year. We are all similar in age which is helpful and there is one facilitator. The first week everyone tells their story and there are lots of tears. Some deaths were sudden and some were long sicknesses. However, we are all similar in so many ways dealing with coping after this loss.
Continue reading “How to cope with the loss of a spouse – Year One”
I’m not one who relishes in change. When things are going along well, I like to keep it that way.
This is why we never really bit the bullet and made any major changes to the house. Some new paint color one time made a difference but making big changes seemed too overwhelming to us.
Continue reading “How Grief is like a Home Renovation”
I love to give and receive the gift of a memorable experience. If I can not travel to a new exotic location, making a day trip into New York City is always an adventure I enjoy sharing with friends and family.
Continue reading “Hamilton Tour and a visit to Lower Manhattan”
It was a perfectly normal summer evening when everything changed and I became a widow. We always sat on the beach across the street with our friends. We always used the bathroom in the clubhouse. Mike always left the party to go home early.
This was unreasonable and should not be happening I kept thinking. I was present but not really understanding what was going on.
Somehow I got home from the hospital that night and some family and good friends were with me.
At 2:00 in the morning the detectives came in to tell me what they had decided happened. I kept trying to convince them that this was ridiculous. I explained how this was a typical evening. Mike had been fine when I last saw him on the beach.
Continue reading “What do widows do with his wedding ring?”
Mrs. or Ms. What do we call the widow? After the loss of a spouse do we change our name? Continue reading Mrs. or Ms. What do we call the widow?
Sometimes in life we experience a really big pothole. Losing a spouse can feel like you have fell into the bottomless pit. Avoiding the reality of loss or wallowing in the sadness are not the best ways to deal with loss. But each person has their own path. Eventually you do have to come out of that pit and face the world again. Isn’t it amazing that life does go on? As a new widow or widower, you look at people and nature and can’t believe that everything didn’t stop when your loved one died. It’s a fact. Life goes on.
It may take some time to get back to a good place. You have been through something traumatic and that has changed you. If you let it, it will make you stronger. It will give you new perspective. Little things that used to bother you will no longer phase you. You know it could be worse. The heat stopped working? Nothing to make for dinner? The bill is overdue? No big deal. You can fix these things.
Continue reading “Healthy choices and swimsuit season: Which diet works?”
The night my husband died changed my life. Life after the death of a spouse. Life keeps going for the people left behind. Sudden tragic death and complicated grief. Continue reading The night my husband died