11 ways to help survive this holiday season and maybe even find some joy
“I am totally not decorating this year!”
That’s what I said the first time I drove past someone’s festively decorated home the year that my husband died.
That first Thanksgiving without my husband was the toughest. I was not prepared. I don’t think I could have been. My brother in law and his wife generously offered to make all the food and bring it over to my house. My boys were home from college and my in-laws wanted to see them.
I provided the wine which I started drinking very early that day. It was awkward. We all missed Mike but didn’t know how to approach his absence. We ate. We talked about stuff. Some of us drank a bit too much. We were together and not alone so that helped.
I remember wanting to just spend the day in my pajamas and order a pizza but I went along with the tradition of having family together. I cried all weekend. Grief is hard and the holidays only get worse.
This year will be different for many of us as we limit the size of our get togethers due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We will be happy to see 2020 shut the door. We are hopeful that 2021 will leave the chaos of riots, the polarity of the election, and the wariness of the virus behind.
For people dealing with the first holiday season without a loved one, this time of year can be simply awful. My first year as a widow I practiced the title of this blog and was a runawaywidow after that first holiday.
For Christmas I booked a week long cruise to the Caribbean with my 2 sons. We slept together in a tiny cabin with 3 bunks. Eating and drinking in the sunshine was different from a week in New York and we even swam with dolphins on Christmas morning. I had been determined to do something different. In addition, I did not send cards. I did not decorate my house. I did not buy presents for anyone. I did not go to church. I just disappeared or ran away from the idea of the holiday.
Widows get a pass that first year so take it if you need it.
As the dates get closer this year I recognize that I may have waves where the grief hits me again. They still come unexpectedly but I have learned to ride them. I know to let the feelings hit and that I will be OK.
Learning to acknowledge my feelings and not always run away from them has been difficult. I love the analogy that my widowed aunt sent me after my husband died.
That the journey through grief is like treading down a road with potholes. In the beginning, the holes are big and wide. It seems you may never get out. Over time, the potholes are still there, but they do get smaller and come along less frequently.
Knowing that waves of sadness or tears will come, and that “this too shall pass” allows me to keep moving forward. Here are some suggestions that have helped me get through grief during the holidays when it is getting tough.
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