How, exactly, do you move out of your comfort zone?

As I sat at the beach today eating lunch alone in a restaurant, I remembered how hard it was to get out and do things alone after Mike died.

It was debilitating.

I had a break down at the grocery store. I left my basket filled with 10 (non-chilled) items near the register and left in tears. Shopping wasn’t the issue, but coming home to an empty house with food just for me was an overwhelming idea that made me cry.

Many of us go through a change in mid-life we weren’t expecting.

Widows have to adjust to a life without their life partner and their status as someone’s wife.

Empty nesters have to adjust to a life without their kids and maybe their idea of what a mom is.

Retirees have to adjust to a life without their career and maybe their perceived purpose.

It’s hard.

When I taught Kindergarten, we talked about Vygotsky’s “zone of proximal development”. You couldn’t get a 5 year old to read Harry Potter in September, but you could begin to help them learn how to read.

You needed to find out what they could do, and work with that. Amazingly, kids were all different at age 5. Some knew letters and words and had plenty of time being read to before school began. They were easy to teach.

Some came in with a smaller base of knowledge. We took assessments. The result guided our decisions on where to take that child to learn the next thing that would help them along the path of development.

As adults, we are always learning.

But we also get comfortable or complacent in the status quo. Why upset the apple barrel? If it’s working, let it be.

But life changes.

What brings you joy? Have you thought about that?

If you are not living a life filled with love and laughter and joy – it’s time to move out of your comfort zone and into that zone of proximal development.

In other words, take a baby step in the direction you want.

Do you want to make friends? Take a baby step and join a local group that interests you. Google volunteer opportunities in your area. Find classes offered through local adult education programs or nearby colleges. Exercise classes at the YMCA, local gyms, or yoga studios help keep you healthy and you may make friends there.

I tried all sorts of things when we first moved to Florida to make new friends. I joined a local group on Facebook that held different events for women like lunches, outings and more. I joined a book club AND a cards group that first year and now 4 years later still meet up with those ladies.

I can’t say enough about learning to play pickleball in my community. I have the good fortune to have moved into a very active neighborhood and the people I have met here have become good friends in such a short time.

We will always have friends from our past, but making new friends who live nearby makes a difference on how enjoyable your life will be moving forward.

Do you want to travel the world, but that seems way to overwhelming? Take a baby step and try a museum, park or restaurant you’ve never been to. Next time, try visiting a nearby town – maybe book a room overnight.

Finally, book a cruise to some exotic island. Lots of solo adults take cruises and there is often scheduled gatherings on the ship to meet other solo travelers. In fact, having just returned from a cruise, I can share that people on cruises are generally very happy. Most cruisers are interested in talking to and meeting people from around the world.

Do you want to be more healthy? What can you do next to live your best life, especially for those of us in the second half of life.

It’s hard to push yourself when you no longer really have to. Why exercise when it is uncomfortable or hurts? Why eat healthy when you can have cake any time you want? Is this meditation and yoga stuff really worth looking into?

Baby steps my friend. Our bodies are not getting any younger and we now have the time, so put in the energy needed to bring your health to the next best level.

Why park near the store – take those extra few steps. Put the timer on your phone to remind you that it’s time to practice balance poses or lift weights while watching TV. If you have a dog, take that puppy out for a second or third walk of the day. Maybe you’ll get lucky and one of you will make a friend.

So think about right now what you will do next to move out of your comfort zone.

Think of that Kindergartener who only knew the letter B. What can we teach him next.

Pick just one thing and let me know – I’d love to hear what you think!

To find out more about my journey of life after loss, check out my book here:

No Simple Highway: A widow’s journey to seek justice for her husband’s death