FALL – Is it time for a change?

What happened to the summer? Does it seem to go faster each year or is it just me?

Harry has a new trick: He greets me at the door after I get home from school with his leash in his mouth.  If I don’t take him for a walk he persists in barking.  He has me well trained.

As I was walking along the beach this afternoon, it was so quiet.  The remnants of Saturday night’s camp out bonfire still visible on the sand.  I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic for all the 13 past summers that we have lived in this house.  Each year the neighbors all gather with their tents and set up on the beach.  Some bring private hibachis to cook but there is always one big fire for everyone.

bonfire on the beach day after

I could see in my mind’s eye my younger son running around with his friends until the wee hours of the morning.  I admit that after the first year, I would sleep in my bed (my house is in walking distance to the beach) and then set the alarm for 6:00 a.m. to help set up coffee and bagels for the masses.

As he got older and more independent I am sure that he and the other kids in the hood were up to no good – but it was innocent fun with friends that he grew up with.  At least I think it was innocent.

This year the crowd was smaller than past years.  The new families with small children were braving the dark tents and dew covered sleeping bags the next morning. They donned their kids with light up necklaces and put marshmallows on long sticks which never quite make it to the extremely hot bonfire.

My son and many of his friends are off at college or just too old for this now. A few folks went down to the beach to visit with one another before we all start the long winter hibernation of staying in during the winter. It happens every year.

My oldest will be turning 25 on Friday.  How did that happen?

Those baby days were fun.  I loved being with my kids when they were little and watching them learn about the world.  As they got more independent I was ready for it and happy to give them some freedom.  Now I can go a couple of days without talking to them.  I guess that’s normal but sometimes I really do miss those days when they were little. Why I’m glad I worked when the kids were little

I remember crying when I turned 10.  I would never be single digits again. I may be a bit sensitive.

I think becoming a widow so early in my life has made me less sensitive.

Sometimes things don’t go the way you would like them to.  Sometimes things just aren’t fair.

I’ve come to realize that some things you can not change.  What is that serenity prayer?

Serenity prayer

And then when change is a good thing, you may need to just do it.

I am thinking about doing some changes to my home. We never took the plunge with redoing kitchens or bathrooms.  They could use an update.

I am thinking about changes in my life.  When do I retire? If I retire what do I do next?

My kids will be graduating college and law school soon and I am sure there will be changes after that.  Will they live with me, near me or far, far away?  I don’t really have control over that one!

I’m trying to plan the next phase of my life.  As I walked along the deserted beach today I felt like I am entering the season of Fall.  Summer is those years that you raise a family or build a career.  You are busy.  You have important things to do and take care of every day.   Hopefully the sun is shining and most of your memories are good.

Fall is different.  Change is in the air.  It just happens and it’s time.  Making those changes without my husband of 26 years is unsettling.  He always had some idea of what we were going to do next.  Even if I didn’t like the idea, we could discuss it.  Now it’s up to me.  I do have some people influencing my decisions but, sometimes I feel like I am just treading water. I’m not sure which direction to go.

I’ve been having stressful dreams.  Maybe it’s because tomorrow is my birthday, or because I have a son who is a quarter of a century old!

I need to recall what got me through my tough days.  I would listen to my “Thinkup” app and start my day with positive affirmations.  Going to yoga classes was amazing and so very calming and centering for me.  Taking longer walks for exercise always has kept me grounded as well.  Walking gives you time to think and put your thoughts in order.

Tomorrow should be a fun day.  My boyfriend and I share the same birthday.  We celebrated this past weekend with a trip out east on Long Island to go apple picking.  We stopped at a few vineyards along the way enjoying the sunshine, music and some tastings.  At the end of the North Fork is the town of Greenport.  This town is an old seaport which had a strong fishing and whaling industry in the past.  Now the town is crowded with cute shops, fine dining establishments and a sweet old fashioned carousel.

To read more about the North Fork click here: Touring Out East – The North Fork

oysters and wine at North fork vineyardsAFD78CCE-95AA-496F-8816-D9CB3023A373

After a busy day of collecting apples, tasting wine and fine dining we headed back home.

Dating is a good thing!

Hope your fall is full of thoughtful changes as well as pumpkins, apples and pretty colored leaves.

fall is time for a change in life of widow



22 Responses

  1. I am curious– are you thinking it is time for a change all by yourself or do you talk about this with your kids too? I felt very apprehensive when my mom started dating again.

  2. Happy birthday almost! I really like your autumn analogy, and I need a change, am able to, but cannot seem to take those first steps. I try to remember that, worse case, I will just change direction again. Time’s marching on and I need to join a parade. Thanks for the inspiration. Don’t forget to make a wish and blow out ALL the candles tomorrow!

  3. Thought provoking, as usual. I am 59 and still teaching full time. I am 17 months in this unwanted journey from a sudden and unexpected death. I am also considering retirement but not sure what I would do with my days. So many decisions to be made without someone to share alternate views to make for informed decisions. Baby steps for now.

    1. Absolutely. Listing pros and cons also helps. But after becoming a widow I think I really just take it day by day, except for planning fun trips to look forward to. So sorry for your sudden, unexpected loss.

  4. I wish it felt like fall in LA right now but… It does not – not even a little bit, thus I feel like nothing will be “changing” for me anytime soon… Ha! Kinda sucks, but hey, I chose to move and live here so… I can’t be all that sad about it!

  5. Sometimes, I get apprehensive about change, because it means a jolt to my routine. However, when change does happen, I often find that it is not as bad as I thought. I hope you and your boyfriend will have a good time together on your (and his) birthday! 🙂 I hope you will experience good changes this fall!

  6. I am so excited for fall to come! even though, like you said, summer seems to end faster every year. time just passes too quickly. but when the seasons change I try to make changes for myself and set new goals to accomplish so i can track how much i’ve accomplished! fall will be great this year! xo – Kam

  7. I hope you enjoy a peaceful Birthday tomorrow. I find the Fall to be the hardest season to bear personally. The beginning of the end of another year. The upcoming holiday season. It feels too much at times.

    1. The change in season definitely leads to some reflection- making plans now for the holidays that include things, times and people you can look forward to helps me deal with that. Sad moments will come regardless of what I do, so I just try to make some fun plans and choose to find joy, even in the littlest of things.

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Runaway Widow
Join me, Kristin, on my journey to adjust to the sudden death of my husband and learn to live as a young, middle-aged, remarried widow.

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