10 Things I do when Life doesn’t go as planned

Sometimes in life, things just don’t go the way you expect them to.

I learned that 9 years ago when one Friday night my husband, who I had planned my future with, was suddenly dead.

I never imagined death was a possibility two weeks earlier when we dropped our son off at college for his Freshman year. It seemed unlikely one week earlier after the drop off, when we took a mini-vacation to New Orleans listening to live music and dining on oysters and gumbo. So when the hospital doctor said they did what they could, the shock hit me in the stomach. I was in disbelief.

The past few days post election 2024 have reminded me of that time. Only instead of being comforted in my own pain with people as shocked as me, I am experiencing something different.

I have family and friends who are ecstatically happy with the results. They are posting their smiles on my Facebook feed and feel they did their part to make America a better place.

I have family and friends who are devastatingly sad with the results. They love America too, but felt that someone else would do a better job leading our country.

The people voted.

I hope the happy people are right.

But I want to talk to the people who need support right now.

10 Things I do when life doesn’t go as planned

1. Sit with your emotions – Write in a journal or talk to someone. Don’t run away and numb (I’ve tried that but the emotions are still there) Acknowledge your feelings. Why are you upset? I’m angry because…, I’m sad because…, I’m scared because… – You cared!

2. Take a walk, a long walk – If you don’t like your thoughts, put on a favorite playlist or podcast. Walking improves your mood. Exercise, like walking, has a positive influence on your central nervous system which will help lower your stress and anxiety.

3. Create something – This week I’ve been visiting my craft room a lot. I’ve also been shopping a lot online for craft supplies. Creating something makes us feel good, it relaxes us, helps us focus or even lets us escape.

4. Get grounded – to me this means gardening; getting my hands in the dirt. Some people walk barefoot to experience grounding effects. If it’s too cold, some outdoor exposure will do the trick as well.

5. Fiction – this is a good time to watch a favorite movie or read a fun book with a good story. Honestly, I just watched Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving and LOLed 3 times! That football scene with Lucy! Gets me every time.

6. Avoid the media – not only the news stations which are tryinging to forecast our futures, but stay away from social media right now. If others want to gloat, let them. It’s none of your business.

7. Drink lots of water – stay hydrated and eat well. Yes, that ice cream is OK but don’t drown your sorrows in unhealthy habits.

8. Get plenty of rest – don’t stay up fretting about the future or things you cannot control. When I used to wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about how Mike died, the anger and despair would grow. I distracted myself with YouTube meditation videos or reciting the alphabet backwards. Find what works for you.

9. Gratitude – an oldie but a goodie. Take 5 minutes and write or recite what you are grateful for. You can start with maybe just 3 things, but if you give the exercise more time, it will help you feel better and begin to help you move forward.

10. Do something – people who do better after a traumatic experience are often ones who felt they did what they could to help. Volunteer, get involved and make a difference. Maybe not this week, but think about what concerns you have and do something about it.

With grief, time doesn’t really heal, but you won’t always feel this bad. It’s going to be OK.

As my mom would say, this too shall pass.